I have opinions: Wanna hear them? Today was an awful day

Today, my past trauma

my psychiatrist says to label it so, even though I think that’s a little over the top because I don’t like t 

cause 

a 

fuss

It bounced off my present and landed in my future 

where it became my possibility

my maybe

my could be

my should be

my definitely is going to occur because that’s how

trauma works

leapfrogging the present to peer from that which is coming into the whirlpool as I drown

do I take future’s hand?

or drown alongside the already-drowning present which circles inside the

murky ink well of the past

on days like today I live both in the past and the future 

on days like today, the past and the future are a mirror and the present

squishes its eye to the narrow gap between the two

scraping its cheek on the wall, hoping to

catch a glimpse of its place in my brain

but no sneak peeks today, not today

my present went for a walk, and my brain cheered, because

there were ducks and a blue sky and swans and dogs that said hello from both ends of their bodies but then my present and I

found the mirror

it had crept up behind us, whispering and chortling and sneering at our attempt to stay together

the present and me

the mirror, with its past and future warping in waves creating a montage of seasick images reflect

the what

the why

the who

the when

the where

the how of those events long ago and

therefore soon to be

particularly if my present gives me up as a lost cause

please don’t

today was an awful day

but ha! the mirror did separate

the past went backward, the future went forward, and while the present will continuously, forever and forever while I am here, hold the two at bay

I do too

because even though today was an awful, tomorrow might not be